Bobbi Sue

Well I just read Nikki, Lacy, and Ashlye's blogs and if you do not know what is going on with my sister Bobbi just read their blogs for updates. Nikki just updated hers. We both read it trying to make sure that we didn't forget anyone, but with the emotional strain we are both under we are sure we have. It has been overwhelming and the lack of sleep has really caught up with us. We are so appreciative of Val and the hotel that she got for us so that we could get showers and rotate being with our sister. It has been a huge blessing for our mother because she needs rest. So many have sent food for our children and helped get them where they have needed to be. I need to thank Pat, Lacy, Helen, Trudy, and Hannah for helping out with my kids. Thanks to Megan and Denise for all of the support that you continue to give me and my family. I would truly not know what I would have done without you. Also, we need to thank all of you who have volunteered to watch our children. Your thoughtfulness means so much! It is one less worry knowing that our children are being so well taken care of. We both would like to thank Lacy for organizing meals for our families. She is an angel... Just like our sister Bobbi, Lacy is always thinking of everybody else. They are going to try again to take her off the vent tomorrow, but we do not know since she is running a fever again. Just pray that the Lord gives us all the strength to deal with whatever tomorrow brings. We will try to keep you updated when we can.
Thanks and God Bless- May you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

TIME

Have I told you how much I love Patrick and how unfair it is that he is not here anymore... The other day I was thinking of how Patrick would be so disappointed in how weak I am right now. Someone said that if the role was switched how do you think he would be. I have thought about this alot since she said that. Patrick would not be able to handle this. It is a hard position to be in when you are married in your heart but not on paper. He loved these kids like they were his own and if that were to ever be taken from him he would have lost it. I remember awhile back when we were leaving the court house and I was upset because again I did not have any closure. He looked at me and said Tara it doesn't matter what a piece of paper says it matters what is in your heart.. and in my heart you are already my wife. I took Trey to the dentist today. This was the first time I took him. Patrick usually took the kids for me. He looked up from the chair and said mommy I miss Fletch. I said you don't have to miss him he is here in your heart. When I got home, I got on the computer and looked on Patrick's facebook. How it said he was in a relationship, where Megan and I changed his profile picture, and how I had poked him to say I LOVE YOU BABY!!! It was then when I realized that everything stopped on September 10th... His time just stopped. He won't ever log on again, or send a text again, and he is not coming back. WHY??? I am tired of the saying Life ain't fair... I'm tired of hearing it will get easier... I am tired of my heart being broken... I remember when Patrick and I first started dating every night we played a question game. Where he would text a question and I would answer it and so on. One of our favorite things to do was to go slug hunting after the kids went to bed. Boy did we use alot of salt... Now I am just babbling so I will stop. LOL
Please pray for Bobbi, she is doing better but has a long road ahead... Patrick is so proud of her... Be strong big sis.

9 WEEKS

Well it has been nine weeks since Patrick pulled away from my house not knowing that was the last time he would wrap his arms around me and tell me that he loved me. How is that possible that in a matter of minutes someone can just be gone. I do not ever think that I will fully understand how life works or God's great plan, but I do know how blessed I was to have Patrick in my life. I miss him so much that I am just overwhelmed. I think more than anything I miss his laugh and voice. I call his voicemail when having a bad day just to hear him talk to me. I text him sometimes and just wait for the disappointment of the message being sent back a few weeks later to say message has failed. Sometimes I open my phone and see that I have a text from him and for a split second I am so happy but then realize his message has been sent back to me. I pull in the drive sometimes and see his truck and my heart melts. I go to bed at night and turn around to turn the hall light off and think for second that he is standing there but his isn't. I wake up in the morning and picture him leaning against the sink and having our morning talk before we wake up the kids. I just don't know how to live without him. I just feel like so much has been taken away. We had so many hopes and dreams... I knew that with him by my side their wasn't a mountain I couldn't climb. I received the most perfect gift and within a blink of the eye it was gone. It feels like forever since he has held me in his arms or woke me with a sweet kiss. I know that people deal with death and losing a loved on everyday and I am not the first or the last that has felt this emptiness inside. My only advise is to live with no regrets. Patrick and I did not have any. We loved everyday like it could be our last and the day he left me was the most perfect day ever. It was almost like we knew... I received peace at the hospital and peace at the funeral and I know that one day God will give me the peace I need to get over all of this hurt and emptiness but right now I do not think my mind is ready. In a way, I don't want to stop hurting or crying because then it will seem as if I am over it and I will never be over it. I want to wake up in eternity by Patrick giving me the biggest hug ever and telling me that my Heavenly Father has been waiting. I want to hear Patrick singing God's praises and smiling like he has never smiled before. I hear so many people say that he is watching over us but I have a hard time understanding that when he would be so hurt to see me, the kids, and his family and not be here with us. I know there is not any hurt or pain in heaven so how can he see all of it that is here? I guess right now I just have a lot of questions... but please do not take that as doubts... Well I better get to bed so I can try to get all of us to where we need to be in the morning...
Oh ya I failed to mention that Megan did an awesome job at State. I'm so proud of those girls.. I attended the banquet the night before and I will just say one thing Patrick would have NEVER sat through that for any amount of money. HA Lacy is doing great... and I'm so happy about that. PLEASE pray for my sister Bobbi she is having surgery tomorrow and will need everyone to pray for her and her family for the next couple of weeks. She is always doing something for everyone else, I'm glad she is doing this for herself and for Patrick.. He can't wait to see the swimsuit...
I'm going to end this with a short prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father I would like to take this time to pray for everyone who is reading this blog that you Lord bless them with your loving spirit and touch their lives like only you can Lord. Put your loving arms around all of our families, friends, and all those Lord who need our prayers and keep them close to you. Allow us to live our lives as you want us to and bless and keep each one of us all the days of our lives. In Jesus name I pray and ask this. AMEN!

Weekend Fun

Well everyone the girls did it... On Saturday, they proved Patrick's theory that this was Megan's year. Barr-Reeve is State Bound. I know they will do great. They are such a special group of girls and I love them dearly. Please continue to pray for these girls to do their best and for God to keep them healthy and strong.
This weekend was a lot of fun. Friday was very long with the kids Halloween parties and Trick or Treating. I went to a Halloween Party with my friend Desiree and had a blast. I remember standing there thinking wow Patrick would have loved this. I was surrounded by friends and the memories of him kept rushing through my head. I knew in my heart that he was glad that I was there and if he was still here he would have had a blast. I had a lot of fun but that night was very emotional because we had talked so much of the fun night we would have at the Hunt house taking the kids Trick or Treating. I hate knowing that we never had our first Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. I never got the name tag above my door that said Mrs. Delaney. I did not get to go to the Hawkins or Delaney family get-togethers. Instead, I got to meet most of his family in the ER the day he died. How is that fair? Why does God make this part of his wonderful plan. I am sorry, I do not see anything wonderful about. All I see and feel is pain and loneliness.
Saturday of course, Megan and her team won a Regional title and set the best record in Barr-Reeve volleyball history. After that I stopped in to see Dez and my two amigo friends at Red Bones Halloween party. I had fun getting to see mine and Patrick's friends. I was there only a couple of hours and went home to stay with my lil sis. Have you ever been with a bunch of people and it is like you are in a different world. I am starting to feel like I am surrounded by people but I am still alone. I know it sounds weird. I just feel so lost and empty.
Sunday, I spent most of the day crying. I believe I was just so exhausted that mind was weak.
Well today is Monday and there goes another weekend and here comes another week. Time goes on no matter how bad we want to go backwards or just not move. We do not have a choice.
Please keep in your prayers the Jim Miller family. My heart goes out to them and just breaks for them. We do not have any idea of what they are going through, but pray for them that the
lord will wrap his arms around them and give them peace through this sad time.
Thanks and God Bless
Tara