Tuesday, November 18, 2008

TIME

Have I told you how much I love Patrick and how unfair it is that he is not here anymore... The other day I was thinking of how Patrick would be so disappointed in how weak I am right now. Someone said that if the role was switched how do you think he would be. I have thought about this alot since she said that. Patrick would not be able to handle this. It is a hard position to be in when you are married in your heart but not on paper. He loved these kids like they were his own and if that were to ever be taken from him he would have lost it. I remember awhile back when we were leaving the court house and I was upset because again I did not have any closure. He looked at me and said Tara it doesn't matter what a piece of paper says it matters what is in your heart.. and in my heart you are already my wife. I took Trey to the dentist today. This was the first time I took him. Patrick usually took the kids for me. He looked up from the chair and said mommy I miss Fletch. I said you don't have to miss him he is here in your heart. When I got home, I got on the computer and looked on Patrick's facebook. How it said he was in a relationship, where Megan and I changed his profile picture, and how I had poked him to say I LOVE YOU BABY!!! It was then when I realized that everything stopped on September 10th... His time just stopped. He won't ever log on again, or send a text again, and he is not coming back. WHY??? I am tired of the saying Life ain't fair... I'm tired of hearing it will get easier... I am tired of my heart being broken... I remember when Patrick and I first started dating every night we played a question game. Where he would text a question and I would answer it and so on. One of our favorite things to do was to go slug hunting after the kids went to bed. Boy did we use alot of salt... Now I am just babbling so I will stop. LOL
Please pray for Bobbi, she is doing better but has a long road ahead... Patrick is so proud of her... Be strong big sis.

2 comments:

Lauren said...

Your pain has not gone unnoticed by the Lord.

He sees your heart aching. His heart hurts for you.

Abbie Lynn said...

Tara, my heart is aching for you!! You are so brave to put all your "real" feelings on here, and not just let on that everything is ok. I can't say that I know how you feel, because I don't, but I know that your heart is broken! I'm so sorry, Tara, I am praying for you!!

Perfect Love