98 DAYS!!!

Hey everyone~ well it has been 98 long days since the day Patrick left my house on his motorcycle never to return home. I figured with the Christmas season quickly approaching it would do me some good to get online and blog some. It is hard to imagine him not being here for Christmas. We had talked so much about how we were going to decorate the tree and had decided it would probably be best if he would just leave and let me do it. LOL He honestly didn't care as long as I only used clear lights. I was looking forward to having a family Christmas again and someone to share the wonderful holidays with. Instead this year, I have spent Christmas making sure that the grave blanket was put on and decorated and talking to Denise about things blowing off his grave. I go out to see him and it just makes me sick. It seems unfair that all of our dreams have been shattered by an accident. I feel like we were both cheated out of a great life full of happiness. I know that Patrick is now in heaven and has happiness beyond our imagination, but for those that were left behind it is a nightmare. The hole left in our hearts makes life sometimes unbearable. Sometimes I do not know how I would go on without my four wonderful children. It is always hectic but I truly enjoy every second of it. I look at them and think of how much they have lost throughout their short lives and how strong they are. They are truly an inspiration to me. Patrick would be so proud of his angels... Megan and Denise have been so wonderful to all of us throughout it all. They are and forever will be our family. On a good note, my sister was moved yesterday to a Rehabilitation Hospital to work on physical therapy and ween off of the trach. I know she is strong and with the continued prayers, I hope she is home really soon... Our family is not the same without her. So please God let her get well soon so she can straighten us all out.... Please continue to pray for all of us during a very difficult holiday season and remember to live your life with no regrets..
Thanks and I love all of you!
Tara