Monday, September 22, 2008

First Day Back

Well I went back to school today and I would be lying if I said it was easy. There were so many memories of him being there that I did not want to face the day because he wasn't there. I wake up in the morning sad because I want to hear him say Good morning beautiful and kiss me. I am sad when I go to sleep because he is not there to say good night baby. At lunch, I feel lost because he is not going to be there. I use to slip into the bedroom and just watch him sleep with my blanky. He always woke up with a smile and never forgot to ask how the first part of my day was and after school he always remembered to ask how the second part was. He was the kind of guy who did not forget the small things and they mattered to him. He text on my birthday and every month anniversary at 12:00 am to remind me. He made me feel like a million dollars and never asked for anything but love. Church yesterday was hard. Driving out to Whitfield I cried. I cried most of the way through mass and missed his hug during the sign of peace. I miss the way he rubbed my hand and touched my face. We did eat Los Bravos afterwards and truly enjoyed being with Megan, Denise, and his Aunt Donna. I just look at the kids and my heart breaks. God blessed us with the greatest man and he took him in a blink of an eye. Do not get me wrong I know that we are all gifts from above and we never know when we will be taken back home, but I have so much hurt right now I just can't put my mind around it. My heart is broken and it literally aches. The past two days have been horrible and it seems each day it gets harder so I guess I am just asking everyone who reads this to please pray for us that we will receive some type of peace through all of the heartache. Today ended on a good note. I went to Megan's game at Vincennes and they won. She did so awesome. I am proud of her and I know Patrick was just smiling. Especially since I went down with Denise and her three sisters. I wonder why Mike didn't ride down with all of us crazy women. Lol I think Patrick would have went by himself too. I love being around them for a moment I feel like he is with me but than I look over and he isn't. Well I have lost my best friend, the man who I not only loved but was in love with and gained an extended family and little sister. Until I see him again and I know I will, we all just need to hold on to one another and be thankful for what we have!!!! That's all for tonight.
Love and God Bless,


Bobbi Sue said...

I have so many emotions running through my head and so much heartache that I can't even begin to put into words how I feel. PLEASE God be with us because I don't know how we are expected to go on. Watching our children grieve and not being of any comfort to them is the worst. How can we explain to them something that we don't even understand ourselves? We can all say we lived through him the motto, "NO REGRETS." I am so thankful that I told him, "Thank You for making my baby sis so Happy" his response to me, "No problem, she has made my life complete." I thought how strange, to say complete at such a young age but she and her children truly did complete his life. So we live another day trying to never have any regrets and praising God for the true Blessing he gave us in such a wonderful image of Jesus himself. I love you baby sis and with the grace of God and the gift of His Spirit we will sadly go on to face another day without Patrick(Fletchers).

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that you went back to work, even though it was hard. Going on w/ your life is a must. You are in my thoughts everyday, which is kind of weird because I barely know you but there was a place in my heart that was struck when this tragedy happened. When I read what Bobbi said about Patricks response being, "she has made my life complete" makes me feel better in that maybe in his 22years of life you were his happy ending.

Leah Robinson said...

I'm so sorry Tara that your days seem to be getting harder. I am praying for the peace only God can bring for you & Patrick's families! God Bless

Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Misty McKibben-Melvin said...

I really enjoy your blog! Hang in there!!
~ Misty

Andrea said...

I was friends with your sisters when we were little and your dad was sheriff :) Been following your blog and your story of love. I heard the song "Remembering You" by Steven Curtis Chapman this morning and thought of you. You can find it on playlist. Might give you a bit of comfort. Grieving and praying for your broken heart...

Laura Raber said...

Hi Tara. We haven't talked for quite awhile, but Matt and I and the boys moved to Illinois and we're getting ready to move to Iowa. I found your blog through the Jeffers...I'm so sorry that you are suffering so much. And I'm so sorry that you have lost the love of your life. I have no idea how I would go on without Matt. Just know that I am praying for you and your family. I love you Tara (always have;-). Remember to take care of yourself so you can take care of those beautiful babies! Blessings, Laura

Perfect Love