Monday, September 29, 2008

Patrick's Voicemail

I have not been able to figure out how to post Patrick's voicemail here, so I have added the link below.

http://www.box.net/shared/o5j6m5j4kf

Also, I have added more songs to my playlist at the bottom. If you have time, check it out.

The pictures retrieved from Patrick's phone.

Monday, September 22, 2008

First Day Back

Well I went back to school today and I would be lying if I said it was easy. There were so many memories of him being there that I did not want to face the day because he wasn't there. I wake up in the morning sad because I want to hear him say Good morning beautiful and kiss me. I am sad when I go to sleep because he is not there to say good night baby. At lunch, I feel lost because he is not going to be there. I use to slip into the bedroom and just watch him sleep with my blanky. He always woke up with a smile and never forgot to ask how the first part of my day was and after school he always remembered to ask how the second part was. He was the kind of guy who did not forget the small things and they mattered to him. He text on my birthday and every month anniversary at 12:00 am to remind me. He made me feel like a million dollars and never asked for anything but love. Church yesterday was hard. Driving out to Whitfield I cried. I cried most of the way through mass and missed his hug during the sign of peace. I miss the way he rubbed my hand and touched my face. We did eat Los Bravos afterwards and truly enjoyed being with Megan, Denise, and his Aunt Donna. I just look at the kids and my heart breaks. God blessed us with the greatest man and he took him in a blink of an eye. Do not get me wrong I know that we are all gifts from above and we never know when we will be taken back home, but I have so much hurt right now I just can't put my mind around it. My heart is broken and it literally aches. The past two days have been horrible and it seems each day it gets harder so I guess I am just asking everyone who reads this to please pray for us that we will receive some type of peace through all of the heartache. Today ended on a good note. I went to Megan's game at Vincennes and they won. She did so awesome. I am proud of her and I know Patrick was just smiling. Especially since I went down with Denise and her three sisters. I wonder why Mike didn't ride down with all of us crazy women. Lol I think Patrick would have went by himself too. I love being around them for a moment I feel like he is with me but than I look over and he isn't. Well I have lost my best friend, the man who I not only loved but was in love with and gained an extended family and little sister. Until I see him again and I know I will, we all just need to hold on to one another and be thankful for what we have!!!! That's all for tonight.
Love and God Bless,
Tara

Friday, September 19, 2008

Trey and His Bike

Today Trey got the bike that Patrick had promised him. He was so happy and Trey even said he knew Fletch would not forget. It meant so much to him! Thanks to Mrs. Lawson, Ms. Sandra, Mrs. Wagoner, and Ms.Parker at Elementary West. I know that Fletch is smiling down because as we all know he was and forever will be a man of his word...
Tara

Monday, September 15, 2008

We're Missing You...

Thanks!!!!

I would like to thank everyone for all of their prayers, food, cards, flowers, help, and support during this hard time. Especially Patrick's two angel nurses Alicia and Deidree, his wonderful family, my wonderful family, and all of you who have been a part of our life. Each day is hard, and at times I do not know if I want to get out of bed, but that would be selfish of me to do to our families and four angels. I can't wait to live my life in eternity with him. Until then, we all have to rely on each other to get through. I can not even remember who all to thank, but believe me you are in my prayers and God will reward you for all that you have done. Thanks and God Bless,
Tara

1 CORINTHIANS 13

1 CORINTHIANS 13 Love is the Greatest
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it, but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
Three things will last forever- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love.
*************************************************************************************
I truly do not even know where to begin this blog. 1 Corinthians 13 is the best way that I can explain Patrick and my's relationship. It is and forever will be the kind of love that was pure and true. Looking back at 1 Corinthians 13 I before felt that it was outdated and not meant for people now a days. This is only how I felt before I met Patrick. Seven months ago I met the love of my life. The man that I could spend a hundred years with and each day would be as special as the first. Our relationship was not like others. We had so much in common. We loved our family, our Catholic faith, and the only thing we wanted out of life was love. We enjoyed being around our friends, and just by being around us they knew right away that our love was the real thing. It wasn't long into our relationship that we started talking about marriage and our wonderful life ahead. We never took one single day for granted and lived our life with the motto of NO Regrets!!! Fletch was my best friend and Patrick was the man I was in love with and forever will be... He taught me so much about life and how great it could be. He constantly reminded me that our past was important because it lead us to each other. We knew that we would be married on the beach in Hawaii and were so excited that we could hardly wait. I have to mention one of the most important parts of Patrick's life was his four angels. Tyra, Tanner, Trey, and Tia was the center of our life. We discussed having more children together but he was worried about my heart and assured me that loving these four children as his own was the only thing that mattered. He always said that I would be his baby. Patrick jumped in with both feet to the role of being a husband and father. He did not care what others said; he followed only his heart. He knew what he wanted and that was what he focused on. He spent his mornings coming home from work, taking a shower, and heading to his soon to be family. He fixed our breakfast and then woke us up. He took the kids to school, and of course Tia to pre-school or daycare. The first day of daycare, Tia had tears in her eyes and so did Patrick. He did not want to leave his princess. He slept for a few hours and anxiously picked her up. After school, he would eat and spend time helping with homework and talking about the day with all of us. Around 5:30 he would head back to Montgomery to get his food and go to work. He looked forward to days off when we could spend more time together. Everyday from 11:15-12:15, I would come from work and spend lunch with him. We were just like a family, but the one thing he would say is that he was so tired of dating. He wanted to give me his last name. On September 9th, he slept, went and got Megan's car, spent lunch with me and headed to Bloomington to take Tanner's two left feet shoes back to Footlocker. I was a little suspicious of why he went when he would have the weekend off and we could all go. I dismissed it though but in the back of my mind I knew he was going to look at the ring we picked out on the Internet. We were planning to leave Oct. 3-5 to San Diego, CA to see Josh and have a little alone time. He wanted to see the sun set in the West. He picked up Tia at 3:30spent two hours with us and headed off to work. Wednesday, September 10th was what I would say was a pretty usual morning. He did the same routine, I headed to work, and met him back at the house for lunch from 11:15-12:15 and back at around 3:30. We took Trey to get his shots in Shoals, and spent an hour by the pool watching the kids swim. When it was time to go, he always told the kids he loved them and to be good for me. He also said to go to bed early because he did not want to fight them to get up in the morning. This day was different though. He told them to come give him a hug. Tanner said he did not want to get him wet and to be careful. Patrick said he did not care to get wet and that he would be careful. Tyra jumped out of the pool and jumped into Patrick's arms soaking wet and wrapped her legs around him. They kissed and told each other they loved each other and as usual I walked him to the front of the house. Today he took my Cardinals hat off and grabbed his helmet inside. He told me that even though the day was stressful to take a deep breath and remember that he love me. We talked for about five or ten minutes holding each other and reminding one another how much we love each other. Trey hugged, kissed, and told him he loved him and vice versa. He also wanted Patrick to do a big wheelie and reminded him that he was good at school and that we were going to take him to get a new bike on Friday. Patrick said that he could not do the wheelie because he did not want to stress me anymore than I did. He told Trey how proud he was for getting his shots and that he could not wait to get him his bike. Trey said remember when I got my shot and you held me the lady asked if you were my dad. You are going to be my step dad right? Patrick asked do you want me to be and Trey said yes and hugged him. Patrick continue to hug and kiss me. He put his helmet on, got on his bike, and I kissed his helmet. He flipped up the visor and said you will be my wife. I said I know and that I love him. He said I love you too Baby and put his visor down. He then pulled out of the drive; not doing a wheelie. Trey watched him go down the road and then we both went in. I grabbed my phone and called my sister Bobbi. I then heard sirens. I had a sick feeling when Tyra and Tanner ran in and said that Fletch had wrecked. I did not want to believe it, but my heart hurt. I after calling him and getting his voicemail, I got in the vehicle following more cops and volunteer firefighters down Butcher Blvd. The road was blocked and I saw there was a wreck. A lady said it was a motorcycle and at that point I began to run up to the scene and was held back by many. At that point, my heart broke. I knew in my heart that it was not good, but as I told him many times I would never give up or leave him. The rest of the story is long and at this point my heart is too broken to blog about it. On September 10th my heart broke and on September 11th my heart died. I am so confused about how God gave me a miracle and then took him away. He was amazing. Anyone who knew him could not deny that. Right now I still feel that the kids and I are in denial. My only objective now is to follow through with what he would want. I am so thankful for his family and mine. They have been so supportive and full of unconditional love. Tomorrow is the viewing and like him I have tried to iron out every detail to make him and this day perfect like he would want. I know that it will be the single hardest moment of my life, but with God and our families I know all will be well. He is looking down on us now and watching over us until we meet again. He said he would always love and protect me and our family. I did not vision it like this, but just as in 1 Corinthians 13 the vision will be clear one day. I know that even though we are apart, he will continue to love and protect us. Well, that is all for now. Please keep us in your prayers. I will write more about Patrick and my dreams later. Thanks and God Bless...

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Tanner's Birthday

Patrick & I surprised Tanner on his birthday by taking him to see John Cena/WWE in Evansville. Tanner thought we were going to Chuckie Cheese and the mall. He was
so surprised!:)

Thanks Patrick for Tanner's unforgettable 8th Birthday!

We love you!

Tia's 1st Day of Preschool

Here are a couple pictures and a video of Patrick and Mommy taking Tia to her first day of preschool!:)




Tia's 5th Birthday

Tia turned 5 years old on September 3rd. Patrick and I, along with our families enjoyed eating pizza, cake, swimming and opening presents. Below, Aunt Megan videotaped Patrick giving Tia her bike. If you listen, you can hear Trey asking for his bike, which is what Patrick planned on doing Friday after school.


Perfect Love