Not a Day Goes By

It's now May and as you can imagine there is not a day that goes by that I don't reflect back on my life with Patrick. I just got finished watching the video Megan posted on facebook of Tia's 5th Birthday and her first day of Preschool. As the tears ran down my face, Tanner looked at me and said if it makes you sad Mom why do you keep watching it over and over again. I replied because I want to hear his voice. The kids as I played it just smiled saying do you hear Fletch mommy? They were so happy! I guess while they are so happy at what blessing he was in our life, I being so very selfish am sad because I feel like me, the kids, Megan, Denise, Mike, etc... have all been cheated out of so much. It is selfish of me, knowing as a mother that our children are not ours they belong to God. This life is not forever, heaven is... Trust me I believe that but it is doesn't always make it easier. I don't know if you have seen Patrick's stone at the cemetery but on it, it says a Measure of a man's life is what he leaves behind. Well you can't measure Patrick's because what he left behind is unmeasurable and that is unconditional love. He took a very broken woman and her four children and gave them happiness that they did not think they would find again. In return, I guess we gave him a family. Life moves forward everyday, but the Memory of Patrick will live on forever through us. This month Megan will graduate from Barr-Reeve and head to USI next year. I know how proud he was of her and the woman that she was growing up to be. He never would have let her know, unless it was a special occasion, but he relied on her as much as she did him. I know that he had big dreams for her and that he wanted her to be happy and live life as he did. Looking back again on the video, I think about how it was taken a week to the day before his wreck and how happy life was. I am glad I didn't know because I think it would have ruined the happiness we shared that week, that day, and the final minutes before God called upon him. As God rejoiced when his Son came home and he repaid him with the promises of eternal life, we sat here and mourned for our loved one. It hurts today as it did 8 months ago, but in the end when we are with him again this sorrow will diminished and we will rejoice with him and the Lord. I love you Patrick!