2 Years

In less than two days, it has been two years since I last spoke to my best friend and the love of my life. It amazes me that I can not even remember what I ate for lunch today, but I remember that day so clearly. It is almost frozen in time. I know that God had this planned for us long before we even knew each other, and I am so glad that he did. Patrick always said that if the bad things did not happen in our lives we would not have ended up together. I believe with my whole heart that God's plan was fulfilled through Patrick and I. I spend so much time trying to figure out what it was and my guess is that I never will. I now want to only focus on the good that Patrick brought to my life and let go of the rest. He is gone and even though some days it sucks so bad I want to scream as loud as I can, it will not do any good. The only thing that I can do now is focus on my future and pray that when my time comes that God will say, "Well done my Child." I want to see Patrick's smiling face when I wake up in eternity. I want to sit and laugh and talk forever. I wonder if I will tell him that he has told me that story a 1000 times. LOL I have lived with such hurt for not being his wife. Dealing with the fact that we had so many hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled. He bought my ring, two years ago today. I don't even want to get into how much that hurts... Really does those things even matter? When I leave this earth I am not taking my last name, my wedding ring, my house, etc... The only thing I am taking is myself. Who I am inside this shell:) I will finally be free to be the person I am and have always been but only few truly know. Do we really look inside to see the person staring back at us? I am guilty as most. Do we know what the person right in front of us, is going through? I hope that when you read this you see that time is going by whether we like it or not. We all need to do a self check and see if we are really living a life God would be happy about. Are we serving him or ourselves? Patrick would want me to live life to the fullest. To never be afraid and to keep on pushing through. Patrick was simple and amazing. He was the best friend to everyone and stranger to no one. Two years have passed and his memory lives on forever through all of us that loved him. As Tia says" Mom we don't have to invite Fletch to my birthday he is always here." He even can walk through walls. LOL So as you remember Fletch (Patrick) this weekend or everyday smile because that is what he would want:)